I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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