im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
