i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
is wine microwaveable?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
