its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
