You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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