I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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