the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
