Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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