1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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