She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
