We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
