Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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