i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
