we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
