look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
