two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
