farters have to be the big spoon...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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