Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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