question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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