Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
