i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
