Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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