I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
