Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
a search helicopter?!
Just invented taco cereal.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
