i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
