I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
