Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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