we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
