I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
