ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
