haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
