If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
