so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
