He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
