I wanna bring you to show and tell
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
