My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
