it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
