You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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