I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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