Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
