she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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