it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
