She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
