I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
