sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
