Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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