sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
