cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
