just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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