I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
