It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
