im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
