did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize