I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
