I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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