What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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