I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
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Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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