well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
