goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
