You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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