remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
