just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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