I have demons in me.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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