I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
