so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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