apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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