You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
