Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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