He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
