And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
