i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
