How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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