my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
