Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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