Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
