Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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