i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
