I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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