For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
